The Tale of the Jackfruit

Today, I ate some jackfruit. It was lovely, and I was reminded of the sweet texture and taste as well as the unusual smell of the fruit. It really took me back to my childhood days.

When I was young, my parents gave me some jackfruit to try from the tin. I believe my dad asked me to give it a try. I ate some and really enjoyed it - and told my parents this (although I no longer recall if it was both my parents or just my dad - in retrospect, it was likely just my dad as I think this happened during a time period when my parents were separated).

My dad remembered that I enjoyed it and would on occasion, as a treat for me get another tin of jackfruit. I particularly loved the syrupy stuff that it came in when it came straight from the tin - pure sugar and no wonder a kid would like it.

Years went by, but still, sometimes my dad would give me jackfruit. As his dementia progressed, he still would cut up fruit for me most nights. Different things, but almost always something I had said I enjoyed at some point in my life. Eventually, the fruit stopped and I also didn't really crave it as much anymore.

But, this story isn't really about the fruit, is it?

When we look at all of the people in our lives, all of those who have been with us since childhood, we see a plethora of people, from siblings to cousins, friends, extended family, family friends. We have those who are like our parents, like our brothers and sisters and who are acquaintances. Through all of these relationships, I would venture to say that none of them remember our preferences as well as a caring and attentive parent.

I have my own children now and I know what they love to eat and what they don't. I know, before speaking if something I say will make them upset or not. I know their dislikes and likes about as well as I know my own - better in fact because I actually spend time thinking about what they like and dislike and I don't spend the same time thinking about my own preferences. I cannot honestly say that I know anyone else as well; not my brothers, not my friends, not even my spouse.

That is the nature of a parent (at least one who tries to be a good parent) to be attentive - to remember things no one else does.

Now, no one remembers that I loved jackfruit. Even I had forgotten in the hectic pace of everyday life. I wonder what else I have forgotten about myself that only my parents really paid attention to? Cherish the parents we have, cherish a mother, a father who pays attention, because no matter how much you love another or how much they love you - there are some things that no one else can remember about you. Our parents make up an integral aspect of our identities, and the saddest part of losing a parent or both is that we lose a part of ourselves. A part that may not come back, until that one day when you inexplicably try a piece of jackfruit again.

Yours in faith and love.

My Beautiful Daughter

My daughter taught me an interesting lesson yesterday and I thought I should share it.

We were driving along and came to an intersection with a red light when she said, "Wow, look to the left, it's so beautiful."

Now, I looked towards the left and saw... a freeway... some industrial buildings, snow with fringes of yellowed grass. It was really not a scene I would describe as "beautiful."

So I asked, "What do you see that's so beautiful there?"

She replied, "Just look!"

So I began to focus in. Was she talking about the sky above the scene? It was nice, blue with some wisps of clouds. Was it the way the sunlight reflected off the windows of my car? Maybe it was that pretty little mural painted on the side of that industrial building over there in the distance? It had some sunflowers, some light colours, a bit of a mosaic really of images that were quite interesting. Or maybe it was the way the dark red bricks of that one building contrasted with the sleet, gray concrete of it's neighbour? Maybe she was captivated by a car that drove by on the freeway, or by the methodical orderliness of the lines along the road...

Then it hit me. Suddenly I saw how beautiful that industrial scene really was. Suddenly, I was seeing all of these striking images and I wondered, "How could I have been so blind?"

I agreed with her, that really was beautiful. The light turned green and we began to drive and then she said, "Did you also look to the right?"

I hadn't. But, I'll try to remember that for next time.

Starlight

I was sitting with my son in his room tonight. An important part of his bedtime routine is to look at his star projector and just be mesmerized by the moving stars, comets and moons.

The projector is on one side of his room, so if you're looking at the ceiling you see a whole plethora of multi coloured (and slightly dim) stars and lights. However, if you look at the wall that is right next to the projector, you see the same shapes but far more vividly.

This made me think about the nature of the spiritual light in each of us. Sometimes, we can look at someone, whether it be a TV personality or simply an "enlightened" individual and we may think we can see that they are spiritually connected. We can feel that connectedness. This feeling is reinforced if we listen to them speak through lectures, sermons, or seminars and gradually we can use these feelings to feel more connected ourselves.

This analogy seems very apt to me. Some individuals seem far more vivid because of where their stars are projected on the wall. Whereas the majority of us may seem more dull, less lively in some ways.

This is false.

It is important to think of what we are seeing in this metaphor. When we look at the stars on the wall, we are seeing a form of light. We are not seeing the source of the light. We are not even seeing the true "form" of the light itself, because it does not have a true form. Rather, we see something that is familiar. Something that is bright. However, what we see is an illusion.

The light itself does not differ from person to person. The light that we see so well illumined in certain individuals is the same light, the same intensity, the same wavelength in every atom that exists. We're just looking for the wrong things.

Let's all work harder to see better. The human mind is amazing, yet easy to trick. It always sees what it thinks it should. So, looking requires truly seeing and thinking.

Lessons

I've learnt many lessons from my daughter.

One of the most poignant however has been the nature of human suffering.

Recently, my little one has gotten a cold. Through this process, she's been very uncomfortable, very unhappy and quite miserable, I should know, I have it too. So, I began to think of ways to spare my child the worst elements of this sickness, which then led me to thinking of ways to reduce sickness in general. Maybe there is a country out there where we'd be less likely to get sick? Maybe being in a warmer climate may help? What if we just limit contact with others during specific times of the year?

All of these passing thoughts lead me to realize an important life lesson. We cannot avoid hardship, pain, suffering, sickness. These things are necessary. If my daughter didn't ever get sick or have a cold, her immune system wouldn't develop well. Then, if she ever needed to fight off any pathogens, her body would either over-react (allergies) or not respond appropriately leading to more sickness.

God sometimes throws hardship at us. Sometimes it is light adversity but at other times, life can get very difficult. These experiences are meant to strengthen us. Yes, it is often possible to run away from adversity. At times, we have the option of hiding or avoiding difficulties. What is the outcome? We don't grow, we don't develop.

Facing our difficulties, realizing these challenges are there for a purpose gives us meaning. This may be us imposing our own beliefs on the world, but giving meaning to experience is such a human thing to do.

Thank you my beautiful child for teaching me that I cannot keep you from harm, I cannot prevent you from growing as you are meant to grow. I cannot clip your wings - I will leave you to make that decision yourself when you can.

Waves

I was at the beach today and noticed a very odd, but well-known phenomenon.

As the waves crashed onto the shore, some of them didn’t travel very far onto the shores of the beach, but some travelled quite a ways.

We know why this is and there are a few reasons for this, but one of the most important ones has to do with interference patterns of waves, something many of us may have learned in high school physics. As a wave comes onto the shore, it hits land, slows, stops and then travels back towards the water, it’s origin. The next wave that comes onto the shore is then attenuated, because it also encounters the resistance of the first wave traveling backwards. This means that the second wave doesn’t travel as far as the first one. However, there is also a third wave. This one meets less resistance than the one prior and travels farther than its predecessor.

Sometimes, it’s a matter of timing, luck and circumstance. Sometimes, we are that first wave, the one that meets no resistance outside of natural limitations, in these cases we can really make a large impact, if we put all of our work and effort into what we do.

In some cases, we are that second wave. No matter how hard we work, there will be things that work against us, and we may not progress to the extent we work.

In other cases, we can be that third wave. We have been fortunate to be traveling on a path that has already been trodden. Many of the challenging obstacles have been removed from our path, and we can really make great progress.

So it is with most matters in our lives. At times, we can spiritually grow unencumbered, to grow into new fields, at others, our purpose is to clear a path for others, those who will come behind us, and sometimes, our purpose is to stretch the limits and boundaries.

The important thing is to try our best in all situations and to not be disheartened when things do not go our way. Nature gives us parables for all that happens in our lives. The lesson here is to do your utmost, either you will reap the benefits, or the children of our world will.

Purpose

I enjoy working. It provides me with purpose, it provides for myself and my family's needs. It also fills my days.

I wonder though at what my purpose is?

This isn't meant to be an existential question. I firmly believe one of the repercussions of having free will (whether we do or do not is debatable, but I've covered my thoughts on this in a previous post) is that we have the choice to do nothing with our lives. We do not have a set "purpose," in life, rather, we create our own purpose.

However, what is the point of daily toil? Where does it eventually lead us? If the purpose of working hard is so that one day I can retire... Why not retire now? If the purpose of daily toil is so that I can have a lifestyle where I can purchase any item or travel anywhere without working - this leaves out the value found in working. This lifestyle can be achieved easily - by lowering your standards for what you want to buy.

The point is, that working hard has it's own purpose, it is not the means to an end. It is the means and the end. Working through our lives, providing benefit to society and to ourselves is a reward and a journey in and of itself. Working with a goal in mind - like eventual retirement - will not lead to happiness.

What will lead to the elusive goal of happiness?

Finding a balance. Living a life filled with work, family, prayer and knowledge. Finding time for your soul daily, regardless of whether you're working or not. Retirement shouldn't come for any of us, because our traditional model in our North American society is flawed. When we reserve segments of our lives for work and for play, we are relegating our own lives to having useful and less useful portions.

Does this reflect a good life?

A good life is seen in a holistic way. We live good lives when we don't compartmentalize. When we don't split apart our joys and our sadnesses. When we let ourselves feel.

Often times, we judge our own emotions and feelings. I often think - why am I sad? I have nothing to be sad about. I have a wonderful life, a wonderful family and friends. However, that sublimates the emotion without examining the source of it.

Our emotions, whether positive or negative are at the end of the day wellsprings of the spirit. We feel because God wishes us to feel. Our sadnesses, our happinesses, our anger and our peace. All of these are there for a reason.

These emotions and our ability to fully experience them and explore their root causes. I have come to believe that these constitute a good life. A good life stems from letting ourselves live it. From not allowing our minds to fully compartmentalize our emotions and our time into time for work, prayer, play and family. Some degree of separation is required for us to function but perhaps this is far less than we may believe.

Live and feel. That is what makes a good life, or at least a life worth living.

Change

It becomes more and more apparent to me as I watch my son grow older that change is inevitable.

It isn't in the major things that I notice it. Yes, looking at pictures of him from even a few months ago, I notice a tremendous difference. It isn't in his eloquence, in his ability to convey himself. It isn't in the fact that he has friends, preferences, tastes that have not been inculcated in him by either parent.

It's in the little things. It's in the way one week, he'll say, "nut-king" when trying to say "nothing" and the next week, that endearing phrase is gone forever.

It is a bit sad, seeing him grow up. Seeing him change, seeing him grow into his own person. It's also the most rewarding thing I have ever done. Knowing that whatever he becomes will be based, in no small part, on me is a truly humbling thing.

I don't know what he will be. I don't know how he will grow, but I do know that whatever it is, I will be so very proud of him.

Therein is the lesson and the esoteric aspect of this. The pride we have for our children is positive. Pride is something that we see as being a negative aspect of the self, but when it is pride for another... it's a bit different.

My son still teaches me about life and about my spirit. In small lessons like not over-extending myself, to bigger ones, like realizing that the universe cannot be static.

He's my constant teacher and I am a very proud and humble student.

By the way, if my daughter ever reads this, I'll write one for you too ... when you're older. :) Don't worry, I'll always be proud of both of you.

Truth

What is the truth?

Is there such a thing?

Is truth self-evident?

These are questions that have been with us since there have been questions to ask. Does truth truly exist and what form does it take?

Truth is subjective, yet objective at the same time. My truth may differ from your truth - in cosmetic ways, but at the end of the day, everything is truth. What does this mean? It means, even that which seems wrong is truth in it's truest essence, because nothing can exist apart from truth.

Truth is God, truth is within everything that exists and without existence itself. There is truth and simultaneously, there is not. Because the very bounds of existence itself cannot apply. The bounds of non-existence too do not apply.

Truth is self-evident - how can it be otherwise? It cannot be explained, it is inexplicable, thus the only way to recognize it is through knowing. This means, truth can only be self-evident. When it is known, it is obvious, it is understood completely. When it is unknown, it is unrecognizable, it lies dormant, waiting for you to look and find it.

Truth is.

Science

Recently I've heard some say that they do not believe in God and that they are atheist. Often times, it is because this school of thought resonates with those who wish to follow the principles of science instead of faith. There are also several surveys that have found a majority of intellectuals, university professors, etc... profess to having no faith.

I find this to be quite interesting.

To my flawed and limited knowledge, science as we know it today is based on the scientific method, which relies on repeated observations of phenomena in controlled circumstances to infer as to the cause of said phenomena. Science is built upon the null hypothesis, that is disproving things. It is far easier to disprove anything than to actually prove it. This means that by it's very nature science is not about proving any singular truth. Rather, science and experimentation tell us what cannot be true, and we are left to infer from all of the remaining possibilities what is most likely to be "true," (or at least less likely to be disproved).

Science, by it's nature recognizes that what is seen as fact today will not be so in the future (with the possible exception of some fundamental basics, but even these are only possible exceptions). What seemed impossible decades ago is fact today, what seems erroneous today, may prove to be relevant tomorrow.

This means that a true scientist, and a truly honest intellectual cannot be fixated on any one truth. Whatever that may be. There is no one truth in science, there are only a limitless number of non-truths, which when removed from the equation bring us to a closer approximation of reality.

With this being the case, how can any honest intellectual ever truly discard the possibility of God?

Maybe God does not exist in the manner commonly referred to in traditional forms, maybe the Creator is not found in man-shape atop a cloudy heaven with hosts of angelic beings around Him. This however, does not discount the possibility of there being a creator.

If scientific endeavors have taught me anything, it is that we cannot discard anything that has not been disproved conclusively through rigorous testing. The existence or non-existence of God cannot be proven or unproven through the methods known to science today. As a result, this question cannot be conclusively answered.

However, stating that one is an atheist is stating something that cannot be proven is false in one's own mind. This would be okay, if this perception was kept to an individual level, but oftentimes it is not, with those practicing religious traditions being the subjects of ridicule.

It is okay to believe in God, it is okay to not believe in God. No one can make you believe or disbelieve, but try not to discard the possibility. It is quite unscientific to do so.

Justice

We all desire justice.

It is a fundamental human desire to see fairness in our world, however subjective that "fairness" may be. It can even be argued that justice is a desire found throughout the animal kingdom (as can be seen in the famous capuchin monkey experiment - if you haven't seen it, Youtube it). This desire for justice though is a very curious thing in it's subjectivity. We are completely okay with an imbalance that works in our favour - we justify it by saying we, "deserve this," or, "it is the way it has to be," or even, "thank goodness that wasn't me."

Evolutionarily it makes sense. We don't want others to have an advantage over us. That advantage could manifest itself into a slight edge for survival. The curious thing is that we still insist on calling it a sense of "justice."

Justice needs fairness in an equal manner. It needs objectivity. This is especially salient when we look at today's world and our short attention spans.

We have millions of displaced people in Syria. These people are suffering in conditions that are terrible and are being forced to migrate away from their ancestral homes in a struggle to survive and better their lives (something that they deserve as human beings). We forget about all of these displaced people the moment there is a chemical weapons attack and a military offensive by the US against Syria.

Then, we forget about the chemical weapons attack and the retaliatory measures the moment a doctor gets dragged off a United Airlines flight. Why does this happen? Because we can easily relate to that doctor, that could have been me! Can I picture myself and my family as refugees?

I saw this happen in my own life over the past week. I am ashamed to say, that I had forgotten about those suffering in Syria. My attention focused on chemical weapons and why this attack mattered. Then, the new obsession of the week became United Airlines and how they mistreat their customers.

We want justice, but do we really understand what it is?

Justice is not forgetting South Sudan. Justice is not forgetting the Central African Republic, North Korea, Syria, Iraq. Justice is hard. It is easy to move one's attention from one "flavour of the week" to the next, but it is exceptionally hard to truly desire justice.

Because fairness for all isn't just about you and I. It's about looking out for everyone, realizing we're all equal in the eyes of God. Even if it is just a prayer, send some love the way of those who really need it in the world.

Life isn't fair, but we can at least try to make it a bit more just.

Perception vs. Reality

In the book Sophie's World, the protagonist wears a pair of rose-tinted glasses through which she sees the world for a short time. When she wears these glasses, her perspective changes subtly. How she sees the world is different. The book uses this device to explore the concept of perception vs. reality.

Does perception influence reality or is reality an immutable concept? This seems to be a strange question to ask. How does my perception of anything change that thing?

This however leads us to another question... Does perception imbue the perceived with anything?

It can be argued that without being perceived, something cannot exist. At least in a physical sense. If I cannot sense or measure something, how do I know it exists? It is an argument applied for and against the existence of a higher power. If I don't know it exists, does it exist? Or how can you refute it's existence if it is something you cannot perceive (ergo, it's existence is irrefutable using empirical methods or sensory perceptions)?

So, what does perception bring? When we perceive an aspect of something are we seeing something that objectively exists in what is being observed, or is all perception marred by subjectivity? If I note that snow is white, does that mean that the colour of the snow is a truly ingrained characteristic of snow or does that mean that my perception of snow includes my perception of the colour of the snow?

It really makes one think about the reality of matter itself. If seeing the world through rose-tinted glasses affects my perceptions of the world, but does not affect the characteristics of the objects being perceived, then how many layers of glasses do we wear on a daily basis? How many layers of false perception separate us from the truth inherent in everything?

The key question here though is, what is that truth? What lies within any object at its core essence when we strip away all of our false perceptions? Is that true essence the same within all things or does it differ?

When we perceive anything, we make it ours. That which is imperceptible lies beyond our ability to control. I feel our ability to perceive something limits it. Perhaps that is why God is often times called He who is seen and unseen.

I guess the trick lies in opening our eyes.

Learning Languages

My child is currently learning how to speak and communicate.

It's a very interesting process, that requires a lot of patience from him and from his parents. Many times, we'll say things and he'll understand them, but be unable to respond. Other times, he won't understand. Still other times, he responds in his own way.

This strange form of dialogue makes me think about our communication with God. Maybe in the terms of the Divine, we are simply young children, who are spoken to with clear messaging and direction. The metaphors that God uses in His Holy books and His communication with us cannot be made any simpler, however, to truly understand it, we need to grow.

Maybe we are young minds, trying to grasp these many mysteries. Young minds that very slowly develop. Maybe when I say "we" I mean all of humankind...

All of humanity is a young child. As we grow through generations. As we develop our universal consciousness, our technological innovations, our spiritual selves, gradually the language of the Divine becomes more apparent. I feel as though we are nearing the cusp of being able to speak or at least better understand God's Divine language. This would be a major breakthrough... Then I realize that even if we do, we're still only a 2 year old with a lot of learning left to do.

I've learned from many classes and courses that if you really want your child to develop proper language skills, you should simplify your speech, but not infantilize it. God knows all. He won't let us develop poorly. He's already spoken to us throughout all of nature. All that is left is for us to watch, listen and begin to understand.

Vacation to Vacation

My wife wrote me a small note a few days ago, which was deeper in meaning than I had thought.

She told me in this note, "don't live from vacation to vacation."

It's a common enough refrain, but I haven't really stopped to think about this before.

I find that often-times, I live my life in segments, waiting for the next vacation, the next trip, the next event to give me time to relax, rest and rejuvenate myself. This seems normal enough on the face of it, but underneath, it hides something insidious.

When we live from vacation to vacation, we are ignoring the present moment. Every moment that we are alive is meant to be a gift, every moment is meant to have meaning. Whether we draw this meaning from the colour of trees and flowers, from reading poetry that touches the soul or music, or whether it is drawn from prayer or love of God or others, these gifts abound throughout our lives. When we ignore the present moment, we ignore these gifts. This ignorance is akin to the greatest of sins a human can commit - Thanklessness.

In Islam, one of the most important aspects of the faith is the concept of submission. Submission goes beyond simply agreeing with what God has in store for us, or accepting our lives. Submission includes being thankful for all that we receive or do not receive. Many times, I've heard others who have let an opportunity pass by be thankful - missing that chance was likely the best thing that could have happened for them. This aspect may seem simplistic to some, but it is a beautiful simplicity.

When we fail to live everyday and instead live from vacation to vacation, we miss the beauty in every moment, we fail to be thankful.

I'm going to try to not live from vacation to vacation. I'm going to try living every moment fully and completely and thankfully. I hope you will too. I guess this attempt is the best thing that could happen to me as well and for this, as everything else. I'm thankful.

The Deceptive Word

Words can be incredibly deceptive.

Looking at the simple process through which we speak and communicate, this dilemma with words can be easily seen. First, the speaker has a thought. That thought needs to be processed and articulated into language. Then that language is communicated. The communication is then heard by another, reinterpreted through their own language abilities, their own perspectives and their own abilities before turning back into a thought in their own mind.

With all of the layers of potential miscommunication and misinterpretation present, it seems obvious that words are deceptive. Often times, what I mean to say, is not what you will hear. Even when it is written, edited, re-edited and modified several times. Is the true message in the words being conveyed?

Words are a risky business indeed... Sometimes I wonder, why did God choose to communicate His message in such a flawed form?

When I hear or read the words of the Holy Qur'an, I am reading or hearing another's interpretation of these words. Even when listening in their native language of Arabic, the listener hears inflections and tone that the speaker puts into the text... There is always some level of interpretation, there is always some flaw.

But is this a flaw?

Diversity of belief and interpretation are a part of what makes our world beautiful. It leads to ugliness as well, but also beauty. The world is made up of opposites, without ugliness, there can be no beauty for beauty would be the norm... it would be average.

When I read something in my flawed perspective, and you read something in your flawed perspective, we are transmitting something that may be inaccurate in it's parts, but accurate as a whole. When I look at the big picture, all of us together in our beauty and our ugliness. We represent a bigger tapestry, a larger calling, a beautiful mosaic.

We need to move back farther, accept our own failings and those of others and believe in the bigger picture. This is unfortunately, impossible for most of us to do. Seeing the perspectives of all of humanity is daunting, but adding in the entire universe of thought? Inconceivable...

So, what can we do? I say, never trust your words, they can betray you at any time. If you can't look at the perspectives of all of humanity, turn instead to no perspective at all. Clear the mind of thought and let the vessel be filled not with words that you cannot control but with grace that guides. Don't go with the flow, be the flow.

Ripples

Sometimes I wonder if we are all ripples in a lake.

When I think of the greatest mystics of all time, I begin to wonder about their effects that these individuals truly have had. When I think of their lives, I think of a rock being thrown into a lake. The rock changes the lake in many ways. Some ways which are immediately noticeable, some which may take centuries to become known.

Poetry, love, literature and song are ways in which the Divine Spirit can manifest. Those who are one with the flow of the universe act as conduits for this spirit. So, in the analogy of the rippling lake, the stone is not an individual life, but rather the message of the Divine.

I wonder, if we are ripples that have been created by past disturbances to the lake. Maybe the great lovers of the ages manifest themselves through you and I? Or maybe we are meant to be the disturbance. Maybe future ripples will look back on the works we have created and marvel at the effects one small stone or word has had on the entirety of mankind.

Leave no stone unturned in the search for the truth, especially not if you have the chance to throw that stone into the lake of time. Maybe even a ripple can create a splash? 

My Truth

I often hear of people who say they are searching for "the truth."

Is there such a thing?

There is definitely Divine truth, there are facts and there is information and there is truth... Is there a single truth though? I'm not too sure.

Truth is oftentimes used synonymously to stand for the Divine or for Divine Truth. When I think of "the truth," this is what I believe is being referred to.

Here's where it gets tricky for me. If we believe that God is perfect, then we need to look at the definition of perfection. Is perfection a static concept or does it need to be dynamic? Is perfection encapsulated by an infinite number of possibilities and non-possibilities encompassing all of creation? If so, then this conceptualization of God (which is admittedly limited to only what the human intellect can posit) requires God to be infinitely dynamic.

How can the infinitely dynamic truth possibly be contained within the singular?

Is there really "the truth" or would it need to be "my truth" or even "my truth at this moment in time"?

I have come to believe that it is the latter. We can search for infinity all that we want to, but we can only see what we can comprehend at a given moment in time.

I pray that you may find all the moments of your truth that you are able to.

Ameen.

Chasing Shadows

I learn something from my son everyday.

I remember one lesson he taught me about a week ago. We were outside playing in the sun and he was fascinated with his shadow. He tried his very best to grab a hold of this ephemeral substance but found he was unable to. What did he do when he found he couldn't do it?

He kept trying...

We're like this in so many ways in our lives. The metaphor for the shadow could be our spiritual lives or the world of the spirit. When we see it for the first time, it's very intriguing, but over time some of us lose interest while others can't stop chasing our own shadows.

Shadows are strange things. They exist purely because of light, yet they cannot exist within the source of light. Our spiritual lives are the same way. We have spiritual lives because of the light of God, but the distinction between spiritual and physical fades within the presence of the Divine, the ultimate source of the light.

We chase shadows throughout our lives in many ways because these shadows serve as reminders or as signs of their source, but when one truly understands the shadow - the source becomes apparent.

My son's insistence on chasing his shadow is a good thing, I pray that someday, he and whomever else wishes to search - finds the source and sees that the shadow fascinates because of it's cause and the truth behind it, not because of it's own substance.

May the light of the shadow illuminate all.

Unconscious Competence

I learned once that there are 4 stages of competence in our lives. These stages apply to anything that we can do. The first is where an individual is unconsciously incompetent. This is where a person does not make any attempt at performing an action and finds that in turn, that they are not effective at it. This is a stage where laziness or fear is the name of the game. We refuse to try to do something because we find distraction in other tasks, or because we wish to maintain the illusion that if we tried, we would be successful. This is a common stage for people to be in, particularly when we find we are stuck in a "rut" of some kind. It usually does not lead to much spiritual growth or effectiveness in our material lives, and only works to shield our emotional self from the sting of failure.

The next stage is where an individual is consciously incompetent. This is where a person tries to do something to the best of their ability, but does not get the desired results. This happens sometimes when we try to do things that are beyond our own personal abilities or well outside our comfort zones, or when we attempt something for the first time. This stage helps us to learn our limitations - once we know what doesn't work, we are able to grow in directions that are positive. Learning what you are consciously incompetent at is a very important stage in developing and growing spiritually. Usually, this stage is temporary. It is important to not be discouraged by initial failure when doing something new. In most cases, we grow from being consciously incompetent at something to eventually becoming consciously competent.

This next stage is where an individual tries to do something to the best of their ability and finds that, if they try - they succeed. This is an important aspect of our material and spiritual growth, because when we try and succeed, we are developing skills as well as confidence. Conscious competence reflects the first stage of success. When we grow to being consciously competent, we are able to carry out actions well as long as we put in the required effort.

The final stage of competence is when we grow to becoming unconsciously competent. Sometimes, a person can exhibit signs of being unconsciously competent at something for a short period of time - something we know as "beginner's luck." This is a temporary state for the most part. Usually, the way one grows to a state of unconscious competence is through constant repetition. Doing something again and again and again, until one no longer needs to put in any effort at all to do it in a repeatable and effective manner. This is the pinnacle of competence and what we should all strive to do consistently.

So, what's the purpose of all of this?

Prayer in our lives takes on these roles. Now, when I talk about prayer, I specifically refer to remembrance of God in our daily lives. This would not include many other forms of spiritual search. We can be unconsciously incompetent at praying - which leads to us spinning our wheels when we pray. This is where someone refuses to even try to pray. Granted, some people feel that prayer holds no benefit for them - and that is their right. However, I would argue, that this state results in no spiritual growth for the individual.

We can also be consciously incompetent at prayer. This is the most common state for a person who actually tries to pray. It's very difficult to pray and concentrate and have any discernible "results," particularly since we are talking about an esoteric phenomenon. This is an important stage, because this stage is where a person can either - understand their limitations and what acts to limit them and attempt to overcome their obstacles, or, give up and revert back to a state of unconscious incompetence. The attempt, the struggle against one's inner self is what leads to eventual growth into a state of conscious competence.

In prayer, when one is consciously competent, we "see" the growth of our spiritual selves. We can understand our own development and nurture it in an effective manner. Prayer requires effort, and if we aren't careful we can easily slide backwards, but this is the stage where we begin to understand what "success" in prayers truly means.

With hard-work and long hours of practice in the state of conscious competence, we may eventually grow to become unconsciously competent. Here, our every breath is a prayer. We begin to understand that all along, every particle of our being, every molecule that makes up the self has been in a constant state of prayer, and we understand all of this... effortlessly. Because we have already put in hours of effort to grow to this stage.

Growth in a spiritual manner is not linear, it is not easy, nor is it the path that every person needs to follow. We all have our own paths in life, and some people may not grow in this manner. However, for those who are spiritually inclined - the attempt to grow to a state where the self is unconsciously competent in prayer and remembrance of God is one way in which spiritual growth can be attained.

May you find yourself growing towards competence in every way.

Continuing the Journey

I've spent some time in the past while thinking about the next world. What happens after we pass away? Is it relevant to how we live our lives?

For a long while I grappled with the concepts of science and religion (and I still do). One of the uneasy truces I reached early on was in my thoughts regarding the nature of the soul. I felt that in some way, our souls were linked to the universal source and cause of matter. To put it another way, our being is made up of energy, that energy IS the soul, and this energy is the same energy that innervates the rest of creation. This is a similar thought to that of panpsychism, that everything in the universe that is made up of energy has some level of consciousness, however, we are different in the level of consciousness - the level of information processing we are capable of. In this way, I was able to create an intellectual link between the spiritual, esoteric aspects of faith (such as the soul) and the hard, facts, theories and proofs of science.

I'm beginning to see holes in my earlier logic.

I see links between the soul and the energy that innervates our every particle. Possibly the two are closely intertwined, but then I think of death and what comes afterwards.

I believe we do have an existence after we pass away, I also believe that we are to be held accountable for our actions after we pass away. This means that when we die, we cannot join the universal stream of energy that innervates all of creation. At least not immediately. Accountability for our lives on this Earth, accountability for our actions, our deeds is an integral aspect of all religious traditions. It isn't something that can be lightly cast aside, because it doesn't fit a particular theory.

Possibly, both of these thoughts are not so divergent - maybe when one dies, one joins the universe until the end of creation, the Day of Judgment - after which judgment occurs. But this seems a very... incomplete journey for the soul. The more I think on it, the less likely it seems to be. How do I know this? I don't... but maybe, just maybe, something inside of me is telling me that what seems to work outwardly is not always sound when examined with an eye that can see what is hidden.

Maybe that's my inspiration talking?

Continual Inspiration

When we think about the Divine and about our own true nature, at times we may be blessed with the gift of inspiration.
It is something that comes unbidden, sometimes when we least expect it, suddenly we feel as though we understand something that was foreign to us before. That's what I mean when I use the word inspiration in this context. A feeling of intellectual or spiritual upliftment that accompanies understanding.

I believe this feeling comes from a Divine source, however I've always been a bit confused by something. I've found through my own musings and writings that at times, inspiration does not bring one the truth. At times, inspiration can be contradictory or even just plain wrong. What do I mean?

Historically we see that individuals can and do have multiple trains of thoughts. There are many beliefs and interpretations of beliefs. Some of these state different perspectives than others, even if they are from the same source. Why would this be? Why would we receive inspiration from a Divine source, yet have it not bring us the truth?

Sometimes, the truth is not exact. Sometimes the truth is like a bullseye that we aim towards and sometimes the truth is more nebulous. I believe that inspiration serves as a key to help us approximate the truth, particularly those truths that are particularly nebulous and difficult to grasp. One can spend lifetimes, ages, millennia, eons studying God, yet never truly understand what the Divine is. However, moments of inspiration serve to slowly draw us towards the center.

Through inspiring us to understand, or at least believe we understand some small nugget of the truth, God slowly brings us closer to Him. What does it matter if our moment winds up being superseded by another moment of inspiration that is yet closer to the truth? All that truly matters is the search for and movement towards the center of all things.

This serves as the gravity that draws us inexorably inwards - towards a timeless existence and towards our ultimate goal.